Misery: the secret to happiness

The truth that we have known for millenia is finally out: the key to a happy relationship could be accepting that some miserable times are unavoidable. According to the BBC, expert "therapists from California State University, Northridge and Virginia Tech say that accepting these problems is better than striving for perfection.And they blame cultural fairytales and modern love stories for perpetuating the myth that enjoying a perfect relationship is possible."

Wow, who would have thought? Perhaps it is time to give my grandmother and uncles their props for having made this discovery long before these experts came out. It has always puzzled me why relationships today have become so complicated. People are looking for heaven on earth, especially in highly technological societies that have learned to tame nature in a way that gives the illusion that in just a few years we may be Gods. Even within the African context, I have seen all kinds of interesting views on the rights and claims of the individual within the institution of marriage.

My parents have been married for almost half a century years and I always wonder what the secret is. But perhaps the secret is the whole humility that resides in the fact that for the most part, people raised when the value of family was so important will commit to that idea come what may. Today, our young generation is so preoccupied with individual satisfaction that a small problem such as a decline in your bank account may cost you your spouse.

Yesterday an Italian friend was telling me of another friend who was on the verge of divorcing her husband when his income suddenly fell and he was no longer able to provide. What ever happened to the till death do us apart? May be the whole thing should be revised to: till my portfolio do us apart?

I think the whole idea of heaven on earth precipitates from our illusion that we are so in control of what happens to us, when in fact we simply have influence. In many ways this makes me appreciate the lessons that a poor upbringing helped me appreciate. In societies where you sometimes are without food or shelter, one learns to know that not everything is in your control. And this teaches humility- a characteristic that sometimes helps one to even appreciate many things.

With the changes that I have been born into, I wonder what the world will be like in the next 100 years when science will be so advanced and the illusion of our control over nature so perverse.